I Just Want To Be

Mask on, and start blogging:)

I've been thinking what I've done in this passing months, other than working. I've plans, I've goals to achieve but it doesn't seem that anyone of them is achieved. I regretted why I didn't put effort on what I hope and wish. Not talking about those big dreams that I've imagined of, just talking about dieting. It's sounds easy but is actually a difficult task for me. I love to munch food these days as I'm always around in the house. I can't resist myself not to open the cupboard or fridge to get some snacks to fill my stomach. 

I always told myself that I want to be better, I want to be better than what I am now. But, whenever I look at the mirror, it somehow tells me that I can't. I never ever thought of I can be like some HongKong film stars or Beyonce. I just want to simply be myself. My mom, sis and bro told me that this size of mine wasn't a problem, is not fat, is considered as moderate. But, I just, sigh. I felt so sick and terrible when I look at myself in the mirror. It just look so...awful. I don't understand why friends around me or even my sis can look so much better than me, they just simply have something in them. I think that's what people usually said- confidence. Confidence is the best accessory that a girl can wear. You don't have to put on make up to look confidence, you just simply and truly being yourself. 

You know what, I've been trying to be a little bit more confidence than before. I've tried to on diet ( and it just doesn't seem like working at all), I've tried to wear clothes that I don't wore last time, I've tried to have new hairstyles whenever I go out ( I will normally just leave it on, tie a bun or either ponytail and that's it ),  I've learn to read novels (I don't read except school books and homework last time), I've learn to put mask ( and yes, I don't do that although I'm a girl, I've learn to wear dresses and skirt ( ya ya ya, I just wore t-shirts and shorts whenever I go anywhere with anybody, I just simply don't bother how I look like ), I've learnt not to walk like a duck and  hunchback. But, why I still lack of something when I walk out of my house? Yes, I know is confidence. I don't understand how people walk or look so confident, they just simply walk and you can feel there's wind strikes your back. Ans yes, I felt like ''OUCH!''. Sometimes, I get jealous of how my sis looks like, she is pretty (and yes I know, that's the fact). She looks beautiful no matter what she puts on. People praise her, not only one, but many of them. And yes, I felt so small around her, no matter what I do, I can't shine. 

I can't do anything with my face (because I'm so not going for plastic surgery). hmmm, about my build, I also can't choose to become smaller like my sis. My body frame is like this, and it will be like that forever. I just have to continue doing what I'm doing. Being confidence isn't easy, but I know someday I will be the one who people will look at, somehow I will feel the wind that is blowing at me ( not the wind that I felt ''ouch!''). 

BE CONFIDENT, GIRL!