Me, myself and I

I was not very sure what's in my mind in the month of May till the 1st week of June. I got weaker. And, this time i really don't want to seek for any help. People just don't understand my situation as much as I do. At least, that's what I've always think about others. They don't know how sad I am inside. They will never know. Me, as a girl who is having a birthmark. Yea, most adults would say you are a lucky girl. It makes you look special. I actually don't care or mind that I'm having a birthmark on my left arm. But, as i grow older, things changed, my mind changed. I started to think that the outer beauty is so much important. And, it literally cover the inner beauty of me. I started to fear, hide and struggle. I was not proud of myself. I got so frustrated each time I look at myself from the mirror, looking at girls who are just so perfect and flawless. I started to get myself out from all the happiness. And so, I went to talk to my dad about it. He told me that inner beauty is so much important that the outer. Beauty from the outer side can fade when it's time. But, the inner one will keep you for long. I tried to digest it. I can felt my tears were rolling in my eyes when my dad told me about this. It's not that its touch or whatsoever. It's like i've been holding this for long. It's like a relieve kind of thing. I was still not really done with it yet. Maybe dad's advise can keep me to be okay for a day or two? Then, I talked to my mom with all the courageous that I had. She told me the same exact thing. And I said that she don't understand because she doesn't has any on her. She's perfect to me. So, I went to huey yee. I told her about this. She tried to cheer me up and in the end I broke down and cried under my pillows. The next thing to do was to sleep, because I thought it would make me feel better. No, it doesn't. Sleeping won't help this time, fail. I tried to control myself, not to see or look at anyone or the mirror. Just avoid it as much as i can, so that I won't feel sad about the whole thing. I tried one more time. This time, singying was by my side. I told her about this from head to toe. And, I can remember the words that she said, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. (as to sum up the whole thing, hah) I know I would feel better after talking with her. Ying said that it's a wonderful and beautiful to have a mark on yourselves. It's like a sign for something. Maybe I might not know for now, but in future, somehow I will know. Be happy, cheer myself up. There are whole lot more for me to experience, try, fall, laugh ahead. Live life with no regrets. This is the last sentence she told me before The Red Tour started.