...

I looked alright these days, but deep down inside I know I don't feel that way. I started thinking about stuff, those necessary ones, important ones. I'm afraid of my form five results- SPM. Ya, is sounds like is actually nothing to others, but is important to me. I need that to get my scholarship, I need it so much. I started to have fear since the day I ended my exam. Not to say anything about it, I'm just afraid that I can't achieve my targets and goals. I thought about what silly and careless mistakes that I've done in the exams, and I got frightened and awake from my dream. I told myself I can't think about it anymore, it will just give me several sleepless night. I just can't force myself not thinking about it. This feeling and thoughts eventually faded on the beginning of January, because I was busy working. I'm too tired to think about the results. I just went for work, and came back, went for driving lessons and came back. That's all. There's no time for me to think about the results. I then felt more relax slowly. 

Finally, the day has come, I had to face it. Ya, I know I have to face it one day, but I didn't realize that time flies so fast. It's already March now. I have no more time to enjoy my holidays anymore. I have to think about studies- what courses I'm suppose to take, how to make new friends, start to learn to stress myself up again. I'm gonna take my results on the 20th of March, and is hmm, counting down 17 days from now? The day is coming soon, and yet I'm not prepared yet ( maybe u might think that what should I prepare). Yea, i need to face it, I need to face it no matter the results is good or bad, I need to stay strong and maybe cry for a few days if my results are bad ( of coz, i will definitely jump if my results are good). I've dreamt about my results these days and you know what? I cried and felt a crush in my heart when I had that dream. It looked so real till I even believed that it was true. 

Besides that, I haven't decide what course I want to take. I was thinking of foundation in arts, but you know is those unsure type. I heard some of my friends were telling me their plans and path they want to pursue their dreams. They have their dreams and so do I, but why I felt I'm so far from it. I have no idea where I have to go or want to go to. I don't know which is the right choice to do for my college studies. Everybody around me seems like they had already have their own plans, but why am I still stuck here. 

After choosing the right course, I have to make new friends. I'm not those outgoing person. I can't approach to people and mix around with people easily, unless we really click with each other. And then, I will feel alone in the college, I hate that feeling ( I can be alone, but I couldn't stand seeing people had new friends or maybe a gang, but I'm still alone sitting down there like a nobody). 

I really have no idea what to do after March is over. Will I be alone? Will I be in the wrong course because of my stupid decision? Will I still stuck here thinking how bad I had done with my exams? There will be a big change after March. I hope it turns out to be good, I certainly hope it will. *fingers cross