Had a sudden gathering with the old school clan ( this is the reason why I had to stay in huey yee's place one more day, but then it's a good thing and I love it!) Yea, we knew each other for almost 9 years and still counting the following years. (starting from primary school) I love them so so so much, just that we didn't meet each other for almost half a year, so it was kinda sudden when huey yee planned the sudden gathering. We wanted to meet each other so dreadfully, just that we have our own stuff to do in the past few months. ( I know it's not an excuse, but then just, just, just leave me alone with this reason so that I wont feel guilty about it.)
Okay, talking about the gathering now. I kinda regret at first for attending it. I don't feel comfortable sticking around with them. I'm just not me in front of them. I talk a lot but then is not in front of them. I don't know why. I avoid looking at them eye to eye and keeping my mouth shut. Hueyyee, jinying, zhenshen and me sat down and wait for the others to join us. We had simple tea time hour at a store. Okay, I really didnt talk to anybody even hueyyee. I only laugh softly or gave a simple smile as a reaction to what they are saying, I didn't even talk anything to them. (I did but then I think not even 20 sentences) Yes, I used to be the quietest among them but then I didn't have that kind of feeling ever. I like them, I love them. But, this is the very first time having that kind of feeling. Feeling I'm so lef out, feeling I'm not supposed to be there. You know what, I talked more with my college friends than them. (Yes, I said I seldom talk with people in college, but then I can be myself infront of them) I don't understand why. Tell me!! I hate that kind of feeling. I told huey yee and wei yee about this, but then huey yee said I think too much about it. Aiks, worst feeling ever! Wei yee told me that zhenshen also said that I had changed. I had changed till so obvious (not physically, I guess. It's mentally and emotionally. This is worst than physically changed.) It is so obvious that someone can feel the change in me. I can't sleep well for a few days because of this matter. I kept on thinking what I've done that he will have that kind of thought. I also asked jinying about it. He seriously told me that yes, I've changed, but then change to be somebody better. A better me. Of course, I laughed when he said that. He asked me not to think too much and why I bother so much when the change is something good for me. Okay, I don't know what can I say when he said like this. I care every comment that had given by my friends. I care about what zhen shen said. I care about the feelings with them. Of course, I didn't said that to jinying. You know, sometimes is very hard to tell anybody about this. It's the feeling that make me felt so uneasy. Hope everything will be fine after a few months. Things will eventually be better when time passed, because some things takes time. I believe in that, really! So, just listen to what huey yee and jinying told me, don't bother or think too much about it.
Hmm, yes, we went for karaoke session that day. I had things to do now, finally. This time I sang without anybody forcing me to do it (they used to ask me to sing, and sing it loudly. My voice is so soft, they barely hear my voice.) But, that day, I snatched the mic and sang lots of song. I think they will felt kinda shock especially the boys. I don't have the guts last time, but that day, I was like a changed person. I, myself also felt kinda shock thinking back about what I've done. It's fun singing out loud actually and especially with the 5 of them. I love them! We didn't really gone wild or crazy that day.(maybe everybody is not in the mood yet or tired. Oh gosh, we are so old! I can feel it, because I feel so sleepy every now and then) But still, its kinda fun when weiyee and singying joined us that day, at least there's some noise now. All of us started to be a little crazy. I was like finally. It's a good thing! People changed in certain period of time, but if is a good thing, good feeling, then is okay. I still love them, and this is what I know. I will try harder, be more natural, talk more with everyone of you.
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