October

hmm, what's happening to me these days. Basically, I really dont know what's wrong with me in the past few days. I don't know what I'm thinking about and I get myself in a bad mood. I get angry with every single person who comes and talk to me (besides friends). It just got into my nerve whenever my family tried to talk to me. I will think that they are nagging, scolding me but they are not. It kinda irritates actually. I felt annoyed for no reason. I force myself to sleep and told myself that it will be alright the next morning for several nights. But then, it just turned out to be the same next day. I hated how I treated them. It lasted for almost 2 weeks. It's kinda torturing actually.

I remembered while my classmates are presenting. I plucked my earphones and started to sleep in the class. I don't often do that. Then, one of my friend asked why I'm so emo. I was actually talking and laughing around with them a minute ago. But, I don't know what strikes my mind, and I just listened to music and slept.

At first, I thought I was too tired as there are many assignments going on lately. But, it's not, because I had already almost finished it all. So, I guess is just worry and thinking about things. Till now, I still don't know what's caught up into my mind. I talked to huey yee on the phone yesterday. (okay, she fell down from the bike and her arm was bandaged. So silly. I was so worry but at the same time I laugh really hard. HAHA!) Kay, get back to the conversation part. I was feeling better after talking to her. We actually didn't talk about anything really much. So, huey yee, please call me more!!

Oh ya, I cried on Friday night. I was actually talking with my mom on the bed. I told her about my bro, my sis and also what I'm thinking about. My tears started to roll at first, and at last it just fall like waterfall. Wei yee once told me before that when a person don't cry often, they will collapsed one day. So yea, I cried on that night. There's was too many stuff in my head lately, but I can't figure out what was that. But, I really felt better the next day. Sleeping with tears is good sometimes (don't think about the nose blocking and you look so ugly the next day). I used to felt there's a hole or burden, I know there's something wrong with me these days. But after that night, I felt so good. Everything was like...you know, that kind of feeling when you feel great even though there's no food in the fridge. (it's just an example. I will never feel good when there's no food in the fridge:/) So yea, I'm fine. Feeling so good!

I guess is also because of my cousins. We went to a workshop yesterday. It's just briefing us how to start up an online business. What impressed me the most is their photo shooting skill. They showed us examples and taught us how to shoot your product in a right angle. I've learnt it! Hah! It's great to get out from your house and explore the world sometimes. I always think that it's not a brilliant idea to keep yourselves at home too often. My cousins actually don't know what's going on me. But then, i think they know I cried because of my eyes were sore. Anyways, I love them a lot! 

Oh ya, I had dinner with them too (included my aunt and uncle). They are the best. We went all the way to Klang and have seafood for dinner. Told you, I need food and people then I will be alright.

My all time favourite, girlled sting ray and ''kong po lai liu'' prawn!(left & right)  I can managed to finished all up by my own although it's spicy! I'm choosy, SO? I LOVE SEAFOOD! 

Oh ya, I guess running really helps to release tension. I went gym with my cousin sister yesterday. Sweating makes me feel better too. *start loving to go to the gym:) I told my aunt and uncle that I went for gym with my cousin sis so that I can eat more for dinner. LOL. They just laughed. And yes, I ate a lot:)

My best cousin sister ever. She is just one year older than me. Fatty, pls pls pls, be fatter than me. LOL. Btw, her 19th birthday is coming soon and I cant wait!

*For now, I try my very best not to think too much about those nonsense stuff (I still don't know what was it). Everything will eventually be fine:)

Do always remember that there's always people who loves you! *kisses and hugs!

Oct

I had a great day with ying yesterday after tutorial class (i skipped 2 lecture class because of you!) Hmm, we did nothing much actually, just chit chatting and of course had lunch together. I appreciated every moment being with you guys. Plus, I figured out something. I don't use my brain that much. (it's true.) I told Ying that among the 4 of us, I don't have much problem in my mind. (that's why I became the listener most of the time)  I don't understand why at first, then I figured out why now. I seldom think much actually. I just call one of them, eat or sleep. Then, I'm okay the next day. I just have that kind of attitude. Of course, it's good sometimes but it's also bad in some times. I know it. Blah blah blah, ta, ta, ta. 

Oh ya, Ying. Sorry for waiting for me at the lrt station. I know is kinda dangerous. I'm actually quite shock on how the way you wore yesterday. I didn't tell you doesn't mean that you don't look special. You have to always believe that you are the one and only one in the world. You are limited edition! Hah! Kinda happy huh? 

*Aiks, no picture of yesterday's outing. Well, just keep the memory in our mind. We treasure moments, don't we? 

Huey Yee: 

I think I gotta write you this every month. It's just for the sick of doing it. You always get into a down mood whenever you are in University. I understand what are you trying to tell me. But then, you see, I don't feel that way or I never ever felt like that before. So, I can't really understand how sad or guilty you feel. I'm sorry I can't help or be by your side when you really needed someone to just be there and hold you tight. I'm sorry I can't do that. 

You know how lucky you are? Being protected by friends is a very lucky thing. You are surrounded by people who love you. They are afraid that you might get hurt. Of course, I know you will get annoyed and irritated when people are overprotective and control what you can or cannot do. But, do think twice about it. They don't have to do that. They did that because they really treated you as a friend. 

But still, nobody will understand about the situation than you do. So, just get through it. You can actually focus on other stuff, get to know more things. You will definitely see a brighter side of everything. Trust me. I know it will takes some time for you to digest the situation now. Then, just take your time. When god gives you lemon, just squeeze it and make lemonade, lemon cupcakes or whatever you want that lemon to be. Its in your hand. Enjoy life, please. 

I

I thought of something just these few days. I wonder why I don't want to start a relationship now. (okay, I admit sometimes I do want to start a relationship, just that you know, it's not the correct timing plus I dont have the guts to do that) So, I did a conclusion for myself - I just want to be a better person for now. I don't want to waste my youth (is not that having relationship is spoiling my youth, is just that..fine, I don't know how to explain) Sometimes I also wonder how long a relationship will last. A year? two years or what? I don't want to cause myself into trouble so is better not to think much about it. So yes, stop thinking starting from tomorrow! 

Getting to understand somebody is kinda difficult. Plus, I don't even really understand myself yet, how am I suppose get to understand others? Tell me, how? I don't know. I always think that getting a relationship is not easy. (Yes, love is simple and easy, but I heard many stories from my friends. It's never easy. So, I gave up) I always believe that when we get to know more things and people, we will eventually know who is the right person for us. 

For now, I just want to be a better me. A better person. I don't know how would I become, but for sure I'm still me. The person that you guys knew me for the very first time. 

 Some things take time. Give me some time.

just a reminder for myself c:

October :)

a small reunion again for this month. I love October, really! Btw, I started to love Wednesday (of course there's some reason why I love it, but i choose to keep it to myself. Dont ask me, pls! And yes, although coming back from college is a little late. But still, i love Wednesday).

Oh ya, I met Calvin when I was going back home by train in the train station. It was just a coincidence.I didn't meet him for like a year ( ever since we ended having tuition together last year) I seldom chat with him too. But then, it was quite shocked meeting him that day. He actually saw me at first. ( I was walking without aware of my surrounding. There's just one thing in my mind, and that was home. I don't look up or think much along the journey. I'm so tired, too tired.) Okay, he stood at a corner and waited for me just to clarify whether that's me or not. And yes, I looked up this time. (I don't why I will look up. I just look up very naturally) I pointed at him in an awkward way. He was like got shocked and curious at the same time. We just chit chatted all the way to the last station. It was a comfortable journey. Its always better to have a companion than being alone. (of course, sometimes I do enjoy being alone. Doing things that I want.) 

Met Karyan on one of those days. I automatically tapped on her shoulder. She didn't see me, I guess. It might also be that she was too shy at that time. I don't care. I just want to say hi. (yes, her friend is there. But, so? There's not a problem saying hi to a friend, right?) So yes, I said hi to her. ( it was like the 3rd time saying hi to her in different places. And yes, I said hi to her first.) We also chit chatted about how these days go like. That's all. 

Hmm, had an outing with my both ''yee''s! I love them (as in very much). It's infinite! We just went out to look for slippers. Wei yee and I bought our slippers while huey yee bought a yellow cardigan with black strips at the side. That cardigan made her look so slim. (you won, huey yee!) Oh ya, talking about the slipper (it's fake ''birkenstock'') Opps, the three of us bought it. Wei yee with her red ones, Huey yee bought a white ones and I got myself a brown ones. I love it. I always wanted it. But of course, it's not genuine. I don't want to spend my money on all these stuff. I want to spend on travelling. I want to see how big the world is. Oh ya, this time Wei Yee drove the both of us there. We found a parking lot and it was so far away from where we want to go. But, what to do. Everywhere was full of cars. I hate cars! So, we chose to walk. It was so far! By the way, Weiyee's driving skill is not bad. I really felt that I'm useless when my friends are able to drive around and I'm just on the passenger seat. I want to get my license badly! *fingerscrossed! We had Subway after a long walk. I started to keep my mouth shut because my energy level was low at that time. My hands and legs are shaking. (it's true) I didn't realize that I will keep my mouth shut after 1 to 2 hours during the gathering. Wei yee told me about that. She really understands me well or maybe she is too sensitive about all these small matters. (to her a small action is already a big issue.) We ate with zhen shen (he is working in Pavilion and having his break) He chose to eat with us (it's already 4 something at that moment) You are the best, zhen shen! He told us that he'd already prepared his money to have sushi zanmai with us, but in the end eating subway like a long lost boy. (haha, that's actually our first plan) But then, I was so tired to give any opinion. I just want to eat something which serves the fastest. We had quite a long talk. (the four of us). Hmm, we talked about dieting and workout again after zhen shen went off for work. Girls talk this time. We sat there and talk for this topic for almost an hour. That's girls, and that's us! hah! It sounds so difficult to have a good body shape. And so, I set a time frame for the three of us. In three months time, we got to have a satisfied body shape, if not we just continue eating like a monster. And, that's it. I was thinking why the boys (zhen shen and jinying) had changed, but then why we are still in pace. No changes. Maybe others can see our changes (it might be mentally changes). But then, what I want for now is both mentally and physically. So do the both of them. Being fat is killing us actually (just because the boys are too skinny) Okay, they did lots of exercise. I can't deny the fact. Come on, I NEED A NICE BODY SHAPE! I hope we are all motivated, and in 3 months time when I look back in this post. I will just laugh and laugh and continue laughing. (of course, that time I should be so slim, if not I will just laugh at the promises that I've made to myself had failed) I dont wish that I'm still discussing about diet and workouts after three months. Please, please, please, let me go through this 3 months. There will definitely be a change (I hope so!) By the way, we also tried on some dresses in forever 21. It's just a reminder of how fat we are and hope we can get some motivation from there. What a silly idea, but somehow it works. Thank god!

Opps, I want to apologise to singying here, your secret had revealed (the confession).I know I'm wrong for not keeping the promise. I hope I won't do that again. 

Oh ya, Wei yee and I had ''dim sum'' before fetching huey yee. We were like some old folks sitting down there chit chatting and drinking our soya bean milk. It's weird.  It's always weird being with you guys. (but, I felt comfortable being with you all) 

Thanks for being there for me.